Your Child’s Behavior:Your Parenting or Society’s Influence?
Maryam was living her happiest days after moving with her husband to a European country, which she believed was the gateway to the dream life – a decent living and a better future for her child.
On a cold morning, she was packing her son Adam’s bag before he left for his new international school. A new country, a new language, a culture completely different from what she had ever known. Maryam believed that parenting meant ensuring the best education for him, protecting him from poverty, and opening doors to success.
But that dream began to shake day after day as her son returned home with new questions:
“Mom, why don’t my friends kiss their mothers’ hands?”
“And why do all the girls wear short clothes? Aren’t they embarrassed?”
“Why don’t we celebrate Valentine’s Day like they do? All my friends exchange gifts, even boys with boys.”
Then came the question that shook her heart:
“Mom, can a child have two fathers? My friend says he has two… but they are both men!”
Sometimes she tried to answer with what she knew, and sometimes she remained silent, staring into his innocent eyes, as if saying: “I am also searching for an answer.”
That night, Maryam sat in deep thought, gazing at her son’s face full of curiosity, while one bigger question knocked on her mind:
Who is really raising my son? Me? The school? Society? Or has the concept of parenting I grew up with become outdated for this era?
She spent the night wondering: What is true parenting? Is good education enough? Is improving our standard of living worth sacrificing the values and principles I want to instill in my son?
What Is True Parenting?
When we ask: “What is good parenting?” we usually tie the answer to what we were raised on, to the traditions we inherited from our families and societies. But the truth is that parenting is not a one-size-fits-all formula; it is a complex mix of values, habits, culture, and faith. Ask anyone in the world: “Did you raise your children well?” and they will confidently reply: “Yes, I did my best.” It doesn’t matter whether they are educated or illiterate, modern or traditional — even an alcoholic might say, “I raised my kids well.”
We all agree that bad behavior is a result of “bad parenting,” but we completely differ on what “good parenting” actually means. When we see a child misbehaving, we immediately judge that the parents failed in raising him — even though what we see as wrong might be considered normal or even right by others.
How Do We Know Our Parenting Is Correct?
If we truly want to find the correct way to raise our children, we must seek it from the One who never makes mistakes — Allah, the Creator. He knows our past, present, and future. We humans make mistakes and change our opinions daily; what we see as right today, we might realize is wrong years later — if we realize it at all — but by then, it’s too late. So why turn our children into test subjects for ever-changing ideas? Why not follow the divine manual that never errs?
The Divine Manual for Parenting
When a person manufactures a machine or medicine, they include a manual with instructions, warnings, and precautions. We follow those instructions carefully because we trust that the manufacturer knows best. So how can we trust the instructions of a human manufacturer, yet ignore the guidance of our Creator who said in the Quran:
"أَلَا يَعْلَمُ مَنْ خَلَقَ وَهُوَ اللَّطِيفُ الْخَبِيرُ"
“Does He who created not know, while He is the Subtle, the Acquainted?” (Al-Mulk 67:14)
Allah did not leave us without guidance. He revealed the Quran, a complete book containing guidance and instructions for what brings happiness and balance to our lives, and He sent His Messenger who said:
"إِنَّمَا بُعِثْتُ لِأُتَمِّمَ مَكَارِمَ الأَخْلَاقِ"
“I was only sent to perfect good character.” (Narrated by Malik)
Conclusion
Good parenting is not just about providing good schools or protecting children from poverty. It is about raising them upon what Allah commanded, teaching them their faith and values before teaching them the languages of the world, planting principles before placing technology in their hands.
If we want our children to thrive in this ever-changing world, we must tie them to an unbreakable rope: the Book of Allah and the Sunnah of His Prophet. Only then can we be assured that our parenting is truly on the right path, no matter how much cultures change or trends shift.
✍️ Written by: Saeed
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